When one of my boys was young, we used to watch Sesame Street. There was a little ditty they sang that said, "One of these things is not like the other. One of these things just shouldn't belong." (Now you'll be singing that all day if you know which song I'm talking about!) It was kind of like "I Spy" finding the one item that didn't fit somehow into the scene. Of course with Sesame Street's audience, the misfit was always obvious.
I often have moments of feeling like a misfit. "One of these people is not like the other. One of these people just doesn't belong...."
I had that sense this morning.
I had a lovely breakfast with a good friend and enjoyed catching up with her. But in the meantime, a group of other women walked in to meet for breakfast. We spoke to them all, of course, but it reminded me that I didn't belong to that group of people any more. They all are part of the same church community that I was part of for so long and it still feels so painful to realize that I just don't fit with that group any more. Well, maybe I never did for all I realize.
The sadness welled up inside me thinking about how I'd once had such a vibrant ministry at the church and how much I missed teaching and leading other women in learning more about God and His love for them. I miss serving others and really don't have that outlet or opportunity any more. Maybe I never will again. Maybe I will again. I don't know.
I felt this way before when I had a job and I attended a Bible study and was the only one who worked. It felt odd and I felt like a misfit. While the other women lived the life I used to live during the summers (reading books, working in the yard, going to the pool with the kids), I was stuck in a small overly-air conditioned store working. Yes, I was grateful for the job, but it was painful to realize I could BE in the group, but I was still not really PART of the group.
I miss being a part of SOMEthing and truly feeling like I'm part of the group and not the thing that doesn't belong.
*Sigh*
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2 comments:
No matter which group we fit into, i'm so thankful that in the body of Christ, you and I both are parts that belong! I definitely feel like the misfit at times. Praise God our identity isn't in Flower Mound or Long Beach, but in Him!
I'll pray you find that sweet community to flourish and glorify God in where you are.
you are a part of the story - a wonderful slice of life! I can't wait to see you in Germany! I am praying for you on so many levels!!!!!
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