Some time ago, we decided to leave a church community that we had been part of for over 14 years. The reasons aren't so important, so I won't discuss them. I don't discuss them readily anyway because they are so very personal. And I had to think long and hard about even writing about loss of community, but it's been on my heart and my mind and I wanted to express some of the things I'm feeling about the loss.
I served in this community for over 10 years in some capacity. I greatly love serving women and teaching and leading small groups. When you leave community, you have to give this up (for obvious reasons) and until you find another community to "fit into", serving is not part of the equation.
I've pondered being in this interesting wilderness many times. It often feels like I've severed a limb or had a hard break-up with someone I loved. It's strange to not be a "part" of something that was so vital to your life for a very long time. With that loss comes the loss of friendships at least to a certain extent. Some friends still try to maintain that relationships, but I've found quite a few people who haven't even realized that our family is MIA. It does hurt a bit to not be missed especially when you were a fairly visible part of a community.
I don't want to sound like I'm whining. The choice was ours to make. I'm not mad at anyone, so don't misunderstand my motives. I'm just saying that it's a hard place to be - to be somewhat of a misfit in other communities as you find your way to that spot where you might fit in. To feel like a face in the crowd in a new community is a difficult transition.
I went completely out of my comfort zone yesterday and attended a new Bible study. Wow...that was hard. I was mortified and afraid. To be a woman who seems to have it all together, I felt like it was all falling apart yesterday. I was incredibly thankful for smiling faces and new "friends" and some familiar friendly faces to get me through the morning. It still makes me uncomfortable to think about going back, but I don't feel as afraid. At least I feel like it's a step forward to being in community again.
It's just not easy being the new kid on the block. Or in the community.
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4 comments:
I can completely relate to this Lori! We made that change in January and while we are starting to feel more "at home" it is still difficult especially with life circumstances. Praying for community for you.
I can say without question that you are missed, and not just by me. The problem is that people don't go out of their way to make mention of that to you. I guess people are too wrapped up in themselves...
Going to new Christian groups is probably one of the most terrifying things for me! Our church is launching new mission communities (like mini church) starting in October and I can finally attend. I'll have to miss the first one, which makes it almost even more paralyzing joining the second week! It's hard going alone, so I'm grateful you have a few faces in there you know to connect with. We aren't made to live alone, but why can new communities be so hard to get into?!? Results of our human nature I suppose. We don't always like new things! I think I respect freshmen more and more every year who come to check out Navs on their own and get plugged into a new family. All that to say, I hear ya! I'll be praying for you next week. Press on!
Great post!I've been there, too. It sure makes me aware of how hard it really is for people to connect with a new church or community. Even just stepping inside the building, not really knowing anyone, is very difficult. It reminds me to be a little friendlier to people I don't know at church.
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