Down and out

I have a confession.  I can't say that I like this about myself.  It's not something I'd wish on my worst enemy either.

I'm dysthymic.  It's a low-grade depression that NEVER goes away.  It's genetic and is best treated with meds...and even a combination of meds.

After several months of feeling like I wanted to go to sleep at night and not ever wake up, I sought the help of a great counselor and medical physicians.  It has been hours of counseling every other week and several doctor visits and lots of forms filled out and new meds started and I finally am starting to feel like a new woman.

The hardest part of this diagnosis is that I most likely will never be off the meds.

I cried when the doctor told me that.

But before you judge me and think to yourself that I just need to pull myself up by my boot straps, let me just say that you would NEVER, EVER expect a diabetic to go without insulin.  You would never even consider telling a heart patient to skip their heart medication and just "run it off."

I'm no different.  I seriously can't "will" myself to be better.  Brain chemistry is a complex electrical system.  If I could make myself better by running (Lord knows, I've tried) or by eating a certain way or by taking vitamins or herbal remedies, I would be superwoman by now.  All these things HELP, but they don't CURE.

This is a painful subject for me and one of those thorns in my side that I'd rather not admit to the general public.  But if my confession helps just ONE person, it will be worthwhile.

There's nothing wrong with needing help.  From meds.  From doctors.  From counselors.  By all means, don't suffer needlessly.

It might be "all in your head", but that's a complex issue best left to professionals.